Why Women Make Claims About Past Abuses Later In Life
I was a child of the 60s and 70s. My mom and dad came from worlds that didn’t look a whole lot like mine in the more freewheeling times of hippies and big hair. My dad never spoke about his childhood and my mother grew up in a very sheltered religious household. By virtue of her upbringing, I was, too. She didn’t have any idea of what I would face as a young woman out in the world on my own in the 70s and 80s and because of this she couldn’t even conceive there was any sort of important advice to give me. I believe this may also have happened to many other women who are making claims of past abuses many years or decades later.
Maybe my mother was confronted with misogyny, harassment and power tripping from men when she was in her twenties working in a bank but if so, she never told me about it or she didn’t recognize it for what it was. Maybe my father was on to lewd behavior toward women from his peers but if so, he never alerted or prepared me.
I absolutely can’t blame them for not counseling me beforehand. They just didn’t know coming from where they came.
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I also can’t blame them at all for not demonstrating a high self-esteem for me to model. I look back and realize that if I had had a better higher sense of self, I wouldn’t have allowed the harassment or manipulating behavior and treatment from men I dated. My parents were raised by people who themselves had their own challenges in life and as they always say, parenting doesn’t come with a handbook.
When a young woman does not have self esteem, she’ll allow disrespectful and abusive treatment she does not deserve. The only thing is, she doesn’t even know she doesn’t deserve it. She can be easily pushed and manipulated. It took me a very long time to gain enough life experience and wisdom on my own in order to emerge from that prison.
If I would have had a daughter, I was going to be ready and well prepared to give her what I missed. I had a son and I applied the flip side of the lessons learned when counseling him as a boy and young man.
If people wonder why older women have not reported abuses and crimes against them when they were 15 or even 25 years old, they must understand that girls and young women have been most of the time quite unprepared to even be able to understand what was really happening to them. We can’t hold a 15-year-old girl responsible to go to the police let alone her parents after an attack if somewhere in her upbringing she is given to feel (erroneously) she may be in the wrong.
I went to private schools all my life where religion, dogma, rules, commandments, precepts, and expectations combined to form a powerful almost unspoken undercurrent. It was so strong that kids of my time regularly lied to give their parents and authority figures the illusion they so desperately wanted–that the children they reared and educated in this so called holy environment was doing the job intended. We didn’t lie all the time. We lied when we felt it necessary to give our parents the idea that we were towing the mark and to keep from getting punished, yet nobody benefitted from the lack of truth. And I suspect this still goes on today unless parents emphasize there is safety for only and always sharing the truth. I also suspect that even in a safe house for truth, young people may still tell lies for various other reasons.
Thankfully, as we grow older, many of us develop integrity. And when we as women and men develop this integrity and sense of self, we realize the horrible things that may have been a part of our younger lives. At this point, we see the necessity of uplifting the consciousness of society for now and the future. We can no longer allow it to go on if we have anything to do with it. And so men who have been abused by priests or other authority figures when they were boys start speaking out—No More! And the same goes for women and the myriad of ugly things they’ve had to go through.
Yes, we all create our own reality. Yes, we come into the world with karma. Yes, we come into the world having pre-designed it totally by our choosing and for our greatest learning. Yet every lesson is multidimensional and the day has come for everyone to understand the worth and the value and deserved respect of every human being on earth.
I’m not sure this can all be negotiated in Congress or the news, on television or in the movies. It’s got to come down to a critical mass number of us “getting” it so each of us makes pivotal changes in our lives.
Let’s everybody go into our hearts to feel the truth here. Let’s allow the goddess energy its due and to unfold its wingspan.
We are in the beginning stages of this revolution for women most especially. Perhaps in a generation or two we will see equanimity of the sexes and beautiful loving mutual respect.